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simon collis

musings of an omnivorous biped

Max’s watch pinged, and the screen of his phone lit up. He groggily reached over and held up the phone to look at the screen.

MAIL: 1m ago

Government Social Media Team

Dear Max,

It is our sad duty to report that this month your grade has dropped one level to grade D. This is because…

“Oh man,” Max blearily brushed the hair out of his eyes, and opened the phone to read the email.

“Tweets contrary to government policy…” he muttered to himself. “Criticism of a foreign government… Sheesh. They’ll be busting me next.” Read more

85 things that might get ME on a DHS watch list…

Posted by Simon Collis on 2012/03/04
Posted in CommentNews  | Tagged With: , , | No Comments yet, please leave one

Reading this article makes me realise how much like a terrorist I actually look…

  1. Use Google Maps to find your way around a strange city.
    If your sense of direction is as good as mine, every city’s a strange city. Even the one you were born in. (Yes, I have used Google Maps to get round York, thanks for asking…)
  2. Use Google Maps to view photos of sports stadiums.
    Given that I have never worked in one, I’ve never actually had reason to go to one. I once went to a meeting at Newbury racecource, but that was before the days of Google Maps – does the “AA Book Of The Road” count?
  3. Install online privacy protection software on your personal computer.
    So if they confiscate your laptop at airport security and find it riddled with viruses, then you’re A-OK. Apart from the fact that cyberscammers have all your money, so you can’t afford to fly in the first place. Hmm, I think I see a flaw in this somewhere… Read more